Well hallelujah, 2015 is finally here! It feels as if I have been waiting for this moment forever. 2014 kind of kicked my butt, but at the same time it grew me so much as a person. Ugh, is there really a more cliche way that I could have described my year? Probably not, but of well. I don't really know how else to say it.
In 2014 I learned A LOT about myself. For the first time, I faced my anxiety and depression head on, instead of just ignoring it and pretending like it doesn't matter. I have a lot of social anxieties that have plagued me for years, really since I started college. I have just always felt not worthy of anyone, and less than everyone. It's a weird thing for your worst enemy to be yourself, and the voice in your head. One of my biggest goals for 2015 is to shut that voice up. For too long, I've let it rule my life and the way that I act and respond to people.
I also opened up about my struggles with my faith, and the church. Jesse and I both left the churches that we had grown up with, in search of a place where we could worship and grow together. This was a HUGE step, and it caused a lot of stress and tension with my family. I came to terms with my frustrations and confusion with my frustrations about the beliefs and religion that I was raised in, and I opened my self up to new perspective.
2014 was also a huge year of growth for Jesse and I. It was a huge struggle for me to watch a lot of our friends get married this year. It made me depressed, frustrated, and angry for months, because even though we love each other with all of our hearts, and want to be married someday, it just isn't smart for us right now. I really can't even explain how hard it was for me to come to terms with that. It took a lot and a lot of crying, and long talks and prayer to get to the point that I am now. And it's something that I still struggle with.
I also made the decision to change my major. Hopefully in the Spring, I was start Professional Writing at MSU. I have high hopes about it, and a really good feeling.
Today, Jesse and I went and looked at his new house that he is moving into in a couple of days! It's a really exciting time in his life, and I couldn't be more stoked for him. I just have a super good feeling about 2015. I want to try and be able to sit down and write each day in the space, so I will have a place to put out all of my thoughts. Hopefully I'll be able to stick with it!
